


lingering touch

by cloudyrenjuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Lovers, Childhood Sweethearts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Harems, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Noren, Possessive Behavior, Renjun Harem, Teasing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, everyone in love with renjun, jealous jeno, jenren, manipulative renjun, possessive renjun, renjun likes jealous jeno a lot, renjun likes to gamble, slight nsfw, slight renhyuck - Freeform, slight renmin, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29590161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudyrenjuns/pseuds/cloudyrenjuns
Summary: Renjun attempts to date various men to move on from his ex, but everything they do reminds Renjun of him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Everyone, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Liu Yang Yang, Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	1. first date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Na Jaemin, the first significant guy in Renjun's growing harem.

It was quarter to six and Renjun was running late for his dinner date.

Out of breath, he pushes himself to jog faster as the night darkens even more. 

He sights the pizzeria and a sigh of relief leaves his mouth as he runs inside. Taking a quick look around, he instantly spots the pink-haired guy he was supposed to meet.

With a quick fix of his hair and a prepared speech, he slowly approaches his date of the day.

With a bright smile, Jaemin welcomes Renjun even though he was 45 minutes late.

“I thought you ditched me,” He laughs.

A horrified look scatters across Renjun’s face.

“No, I… I’m so sorry I was studying for my test tomorrow and I completely forgot and I thought I set an alarm I really did but—”

“Injunnie, it’s okay! Really.” With crinkles on his eyes, the pink-haired boy reassures the flustered guy in front of him several times.

Renjun blinks, a sense of familiarity washes all over him when Jaemin smiled.

The very same look can be observed on Jeno. The crinkles on his eyes when he smiles at the dumbest of things.

He remembers last year, at a similar situation, Renjun slept through his alarm and missed their date. Instead of getting mad, Jeno brought the date to his apartment and set it up while Renjun slept. It was the best sleepover he ever had.

A thud can be heard as Renjun seats himself in front of Jaemin. A disturbed look on his face from his previous thoughts.

“I ordered pizza already if it's okay with you! Pizza with Pineapples.”

As if the night couldn’t get any worse— Renjun wasn’t a fan of pineapples on pizza. Of course he couldn’t blame it on the guy in front of him, as it was their first date.

“Yeah, sure that’s fine,” Renjun mumbles, refusing to meet his gaze.

Jaemin was obviously disheartened by Renjun’s lack of enthusiasm. _He’s probably still exhausted from studying_ , Jaemin thinks to himself.

“So… What do you do for fun?”

“Is that… Is that really the first thing you ask me?” A deadpan look on Renjun’s face as he stares at Jaemin. “This feels like dating 101 again.” 

Jaemin softly lets out a soft _Oh_ in response to Renjun’s statement. He didn’t know what to say. No one was this blunt with him.

Renjun sighs, “I’m… I’m sorry I’m just in a bad mood and everything keeps on getting worse.”

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?” Jaemin offers. He isn’t studying to become a therapist for no reason.

“I’d rather not…” The brown-haired man trails off, deeming it inappropriate to talk about his ex during a date.

Jaemin was quick to pick up, instantly talking about his day and commenting about a few teachers who they might have in common.

“... And Mr. Moon thought it wasn’t that bad honestly but _Jeno_ blew off and got all mad at everyone. It was so weird because he never gets mad. Seems like he had a bad day.”

That piqued Renjun’s interest. “Jeno? You know Jeno?”

“Yeah! We have a class together with Mr. Moon. Got stuck with him in a project…” A pause, _“Which I've been talking about.”_ He grumbles to himself.

“How is…” Renjun hesitates to ask, _How do I not seem suspicious?_ He thinks to himself.

“Why did he blow off?”

A sigh leaves Jaemin's mouth as he pouts to himself.

“He wouldn’t tell me! He insisted he just didn’t eat lunch properly but I don’t believe him… The last I saw him was a week ago though, during the class… which was about Wednesday? Yeah, around that time I guess.”

An exciting feeling took over Renjun. _Could it be?_ He thought _Was it because of him?_

It was wrong for him to get excited as he’s literally _sitting across_ his date, but he couldn’t help but let these thoughts in him.

A week ago he went out with a senior of his— Lucas. During Wednesday lunchtime. Renjun purposely picked a spot near where Jeno always ate in the cafeteria. He hoped he wasn’t too obvious, but hearing about his reaction and the time frame he couldn’t help but ponder.

_Did Jeno really get jealous?_

A smile forms on his face as he chuckles, leaving Jaemin confused.

“By the way… how do you know Jeno?”

Renjun looks at him straight in the eye.

“Childhood best friend. You figure.”

With lips parted, his date asks a number of questions regarding them. “How come he’s never mentioned you? I’ve never seen you around his side too! I would know as I would’ve asked you out sooner if that was it…”

A laugh leaves Renjun. _Oh, if only you knew…_ He thought to himself.

“I’m quite fond of being alone.”

“But don’t you feel lonely?”

“Sometimes, when you feel lonely, it can be really sad and last for a long time. But other times, you may choose to be alone because you want to pursue other things or focus on other priorities in life. In this case, I choose to be alone,”

Renjun leans closer towards Jaemin. “Although I really don’t mind spending time with you like this.”

A chuckle leaves Jaemin as he also leans closer, a breath away from the brunet. “I would also like to spend more time with you like this, Mr. Huang.”

Leaning back with a teasing smile on his face, Renjun replies, “Quite confident with yourself Mr. Na. _Exactly_ my type of guy.”

_Wrong._

His type of guy was the shy one, who only truly opens up around certain people. The respectful hot one who can leave you so _fucking_ frustrated with how oblivious he is at time. The one who acts cutely and teases you as you try to concentrate. That was Renjun’s type.

_And he was staring right at him across the pizzeria._

And Renjun smirked at him, daring him to do something. 

Wondering as to what his date was staring at, Jaemin looks back and sees Jeno. 

“This is freaky, it's too much of a coincidence we were literally _just_ talking about him.”

“Yup,” Renjun hums as he drinks his Iced Tea, “It really is too much of a coincidence.”


	2. pizzeria

Times like these are when Renjun loves being underestimated. Due to his size and skinniness, most think of him as a _pure_ guy. One who’ll always stare at you with big bright eyes and ask you to be nicer to everyone.

A big miss. He wouldn’t call himself a sadist exactly, but he liked seeing people squirm. He liked seeing them get riled up because of him— whether from debate… or from jealousy.

He liked seeing _Jeno_ get jealous are the exact words he wanted to convey.

And there he was with a front-row seat.

The tension was obvious from Jeno, who wouldn’t meet their eyes as he sat down. After Jaemin decided to invite him over, the table was quiet as the food quickly arrived. 

The silence was broken once Jaemin asked Jeno the question Renjun wanted to hear.

“Hey, Jen, what are you doing here?” 

“Yeah, _Jen_ , what are you doing here?” With a smile covering his intentions, Renjun continues to stare at the black-haired boy.

Finally mustering the courage to stare at him at the eyes, Jeno frowns as he spits out his answer. “I go here every Friday… _at the same time_.”

A surprised noise leaves Jaemin’s mouth. “Do you _always_ go alone?”

“No… I…” Jeno looks down at his lap “I used to go here every day with someone too.”

Deciding not to touch more on the subject, Jaemin continues on to blabber more about his day. 

Renjun’s smile falters once he hears Jeno’s words. It didn’t feel like a stab in the heart exactly. No, it felt more like nostalgia. 

It was more of a gamble too, picking this place. He wasn’t even sure if Jeno was going to be here, and he was actually quite surprised when he saw him.

It’s been a year… yet he’s still stuck with his old routine. _He never changes_ , with that thought he slowly looks at Jaemin.

The Na boy who’s quite loud but _caring_. Quite handsome too, and he wouldn’t mind dating him. But whenever he smiles he just gets reminded of Jeno.

Seeing them side by side smiling at each other just pained him. For Jeno’s smile just shined too brightly.

“I have to go,” Renjun blurts out loud suddenly, interrupting their conversation. “I’m really sorry Jaemin but I have to finish my artworks before tomorrow.”

Quickly standing up, Jaemin helps the brunet fix his things. “It’s alright you already told me beforehand that you can’t really stay too long, and it’s already been three hours. Thank you _really_ I enjoyed this.”

Hesitantly, he places his hand on Jaemin’s shoulder and taps it twice. With a tight smile on his face, he waves goodbye as he rushes home. 

_Or so he thought._


	3. lunch date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing our second contender, Liu Yangyang.

It was 8:06 when he left the Pizzeria. The streets were still loud full of college students drinking in the nearby bars.

He hums to himself as he walks, a small smirk entering his lips.

He seems to do that a lot these days— _smirking_.

All because of a black-haired boy.

God, seeing the way he was jittering in the pizzeria made Renjun feel things. He was _almost_ tempted to actually get back together with Jeno.

The opened letters under his drawer are actually pretty tempting to reply to now, albeit he is a year late to it.

_If only it was this easy…_

It’s obvious that he still liked Jeno, and he knew that Jeno still liked him. But he couldn’t help but just play around with the boy for a bit. He had accepted for a while already that he couldn’t move on.

Deemed it impossible, actually, but still tried to. It’s not like he didn’t have options.

He has _hundreds_.

Taking his phone out, he hesitates before typing. A quick text really. He didn’t know why he was hesitating, but he felt as if it was wrong. The minute he sends the message, he jogs towards his dormitories at a faster pace.

As he nears his dormitories, sudden noises of footsteps can be heard right behind him. Stopping, Renjun turns around slowly as if he was tantalizing the one following him.

“Took you long,” Renjun hums a tune again— Pavane pour une infante défunte or _Pavane for a dead princess_. 

“Renjun, are you sure about this?” 

He continues humming as he stares right at the eyes of the newcomer. “Are you backing out?” Four words seemingly innocent, laced with hidden mischief. 

“I just wanted to make sure you don’t regret anything,”

“I told you— _I want to see him suffer_.”

—

A week after, on a Wednesday, was when he saw Jeno again. He had a date with _Yangyang_ this time— a lunch date.

Sitting on the same table as two weeks ago, he looked around for the black-haired guy.

He was quite early, quite excited to see how it turns out. Renjun couldn’t wait to see how his plan slowly unfolds as he silently watches everyone. _God_ , is this how villains feel? The thrill, the rush, the power all within them. It was the urge to spark some sort of behavior from Jeno that was pushing him.

He wanted him to _scream_. To get frustrated with him, to actually blame him for once. It was all he ever wanted since they were children, but never got the satisfaction of actually feeling it. 

“...Renjun?” 

A smile, “Hi Yangyang.”

Placing his food on the table he hurriedly fixed himself, “Did I make you wait for too long?” A concerned look fixed itself onto Yangyang’s face as he gripped Renjun’s hand.

Agitated, Renjun pulls back from his grip. Eyes narrowing slightly before he feigns a sorry look, “My hands are sweaty— sorry Yang next time maybe.”

Yangyang chuckles as he awkwardly pulls his hand towards his food instead. _Why the fuck did I do that?_ He asks himself, tensing as he shyly avoids the older’s gaze. _Should I talk about the new Ariana Grande album? What do I do, God— why’d I even ask him out in the first place if I’m too pussy to even look at him?_

“You shouldn’t be scared of me you know,” Renjun starts “Once you get over how many people are staring at us right now you’ll see how I’m as scared and awkward as you.”

The younger turns around once Renjun pointed out the stares. Specifically, his eyes landed on a black-haired guy staring at them. He was holding onto his lunch meal tightly, staring at them right from the cashier with an unwavering look in his eyes.

A sudden warmth spread on his left cheek forcing him to face Renjun. _It was Renjun’s hand_. 

“Your hands aren’t sweaty at all,” Yangyang blurts out “It’s warm… and soft…”

Renjun laughs and gently holds Yangyang’s hand as he does. “Is it really Yang?”

He could only nod, too flustered from the sudden skinship. 

With a teasing grin on his face, Renjun ruffles Yangyang’s black hair. _His hair is so soft_. Renjun stares at the way it easily fixes itself, and the fluffiness of it reminded him of a certain someone. He points at the food, “Eat your food before it turns cold.”

But it wasn’t directed at him.

It was directed towards the one person who was hitting his limit.

With a cocky smile shown, Renjun leans back towards his chair and finishes his lunch.

—

Swears could be heard from way behind the University, scaring away the stray cats in hiding.

With the light smell of smoke floating around, a frustrated Jeno leans back.

“It wasn’t my fault. _It wasn’t my fault_.” He repeats to himself again and again. Renjun’s cocky look displaying itself again and again inside his head.

A choked sob exits from him as he closes his eyes.

_“Fucking say something Jeno,” 16-year old Renjun was now in front of him “Or I’ll end myself right here.”_

“It wasn’t my fault,” He murmurs again.

_“The letters— have you checked them yet?” He was desperate, he wanted to know. To see. “I burned them Jeno.”_

“It wasn’t my fault,”

_A screams rings around his head, “This is your fucking fault Jeno!”_

“ _It wasn’t my fault.”_ He whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the 200 hits!! didnt expect it so thank you :D


	4. haechan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Lee Haechan, the best friend with benefits.

Jeno sat alone on the bench. His relapse hit him harder than he expected, causing him to ditch all of his afternoon classes for the day. _A fucking great future Lawyer you are,_ he thinks to himself.

He couldn’t think properly. All he can see now is _Renjun_. The brunet has fixated his brain on him— in both good and bad ways.

So badly does Jeno want to scream at his whole University. How a vile, manipulative, and rude person Renjun is. How everything was an act and that Renjun loved the attention from everyone. How Renjun is _his_ and _only his_. 

… But he couldn’t get the words out.

All he could do was fucking stare as he goes out on dates every week with everyone in their University. How badly he wants to grab Renjun from their grasp and kiss him in front of them. To _mark_ him. Yet he couldn’t. _He shouldn’t_.

He knows that's what the older boy desires from him, yet he restrains himself every day. He _couldn't_ do that to anyone. Jeno knows how much possessiveness can reach. How a single snap can make or break a person. He’s studying law for a reason— he knows the abuse people in relationships go through.

All Jeno wants to do is keep Renjun safe. 

But all Renjun wants is for Jeno to ruin him.

People with opposite ideals— one who stood silent and one who screamed it out in several ways. Deep down, they both know their relationship was toxic. But the only people they can fully function within a relationship is with each other. 

Whatever the results, they always crawl back to each other. The teasings, the silence, the madness. It’s all driving them crazy but it’s all to rile each other up. To fully release the tension that has been hiding inside them since they were both 16. And Jeno can’t wait till that day comes.

—

“Huang _fucking_ Renjun if your ass won’t show up to our meeting later I’ll fucking knock this door off its hinges!” The loud screaming of his best friend greeted Renjun as he woke up. 

The red lights of his alarm clock showing the time— _1 pm in the afternoon_.

Releasing a curse, Renjun stood up and quickly ran to his shower. Washing his hair and dressing up never took this long until you had a screaming person waiting outside for you.

_“B I G YEAH WE BANG LIKE THIS MODU DA GACHI CHONG MAJEUN GEOTCHE—”_

“Shut up, Haechan,” Renjun practically hisses as he forcefully pulls Haechan inside his dorm and slams him onto the wall.

“Huh. _Kinky_ I like it.”

“You act as if you’ll actually turn me on. You could strip in front of me right now and I wouldn’t even look,” Renjun releases Haechan from his grip and dusts the shoulders of the boy.

A teasing glint shows as the purple-haired boy takes a step forward. “Oh _yeah?_ And what if I do strip.”

The brunet moves forward, leaving a tiny gap in between them that could be closed with a single nudge. _Mint_ , Haechan thought.

“Then we can take this to the bedroom.”

A moment of silence between the two friends and instantaneously they release laughter. They did this often whether in public or in secret. It was the one way they could release some tension while everything seemed normal.

Yeah, sometimes their ‘friendship’ escalated to a few hook-ups here and there. Especially when Renjun gets angsty because of a certain Lee Jeno. But it’s an unspoken rule for the both of them to not fall in love with one other. _Right?_

Haechan was the first to break their laughter. Slinging an arm around the shorter person, he drags Renjun outside of his dormitory. “Hyung said to meet him up in the new cafe outside the University. He said he reserved a spot for us already and ordered food,” A dreamy sigh leaves Haechan’s lips “God, Doyoung-hyung is the best.”

Renjun stays tight-lipped about the situation, still feeling a little bit awkward with this _Senior_. It’s not that Doyoung did anything to the boy, no— it’s just because he finds their personalities clashing at times. He can’t even explain it properly as to _what_ makes it so awkward. More or less, they’re in the same friend group and with Haechan as their middle person, he knows they were going to bump into each other way more than he hoped.

But was Haechan _really_ the only middle person?

He wanted to believe so, but he knew it was way deeper than that. _Ignorance is a choice._

—

He was supposed to be home by now, but instead, he’s stuck with two people arguing in front of him. This time though, he had no idea what for.

The trio was just about to go their separate ways when someone went up to them and stepped on Doyoung’s foot.

An _accident_ , he says. But the four of them knew it wasn’t one.

One moment they were arguing about the now dirty shoe, then the next they were arguing about Renjun. How it escalated to that he didn’t know.

The only emotion Renjun showed throughout the argument was a quick quirk on his eyebrow when the newcomer mentioned that Doyoung was apparently annoying Renjun.

It wasn’t till halfway through their argument when Haechan slipped in and told Renjun what the guy’s name was.

Haechan laughs at Renjun’s indifference as he watches his relaxed posture stare at them.

“You won’t help them out?”

Renjun snorts, “What do you want me to do? Act as a damsel in distress? Judging by their loudness they actually _might_ start fighting with their fists… Why would I risk my face getting punched?”

“You fucking Slytherin,” The purple-haired boy teases, gently shoving the brown-haired one.

“No, it’s called self-preservation.” With a roll of his eyes, he looks over at the still arguing boys.

He won’t lie, he likes it when they argue. _Especially about him_.

No matter how much one denies it, it’s quite attractive when people argue about you. You’ll never admit it, of course, but inside… you won’t be able to deny it. Being fought over is such a cliche thought, but it never fails to bring jitters inside of him. 

_It’s like reenacting the scenes I make up inside my head_ , Renjun thought to himself a wicked smile tearing through his face. He’s living in his own world with these men wrapped around his fingers and _oh_ he loves it. He loves how they’re all at his beck and call. How easy it is to get what he wants.

But in the end, it really is all just a game to him. A _ploy_. All for Lee fucking Jeno.

Leaving that aside, Renjun was growing tired of the loudness. He was stuck interacting the whole day and just wanted to plop onto his bed and scroll through his phone _alone_. Maybe even double-check through his plan to foolproof it.

“Hey, _Jisung-ah_ , can you leave us alone?” 

The youngest one stares at his _hyung_ with distress. “But hyung! He was bothering you and you looked tired while you were in that cafe and I was worried because what if he was harassing you?”

Haechan tsks, “Ah it’s more like you’re the one harassing Doyoung right now Jisung-ah.”

“I’m tired. Please leave us alone.” With a sharp nod directed towards the youngest, Renjun fast-walks towards his dorms.

“Wait! Hyung! I have a pre—”

A hand holds Jisung back from running after the now far away male. “It’s better if you stop bothering him, Jisung. It’s not like he’ll go after people younger than him.”

With red-tinted cheeks, Jisung hides his small present back in his hoodie. “I don’t like him like that! I just think that… I just think that hyung is very _admirable_.”

Doyoung snickers, “Arguing with _me_ to impress Renjun? You’re very desperate.”

“But you were annoying him!” Jisung quickly defends himself, “I… I’ve been around him long enough to know his body language. I’m sure.”

“Yeah, in the _astronomy club_. Which happens like once a month back when we used to attend High School.”

An embarrassed flush showed on Jisung, the 17-year-old didn’t know what to say. Of course he knew that he wasn’t significant in Renjun’s life. He was just one of his hundreds of admirers back in High School. The only difference was that they both liked something— Astronomy.

It was the deep talks and arguments inside their club that made Jisung admire the older guy so much. He wasn’t afraid to voice his theories even when people are so harsh to judge on opinions.

He said everything that Jisung could never. And he always wanted to repay him for that.

So with a determined look, he turns around and runs towards Renjun. Although he could barely see him now in the crowds, he trusts his instincts to find his _h_ _yung._

A muffled scream, which he assumes comes from Haechan, can be heard but he ignores them all as he runs forward.


	5. jisung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Park Jisung, the boy fascinated with Astronomy and Huang Renjun.

“Renjun-hyung!”

A strangled breath leaves Jisung once he caught up with his hyung. They were right in front of his dormitory and he had to take a step back and prepare himself to explain why he was following him. Meanwhile, Renjun was  _ patiently  _ waiting for what the younger one had to say. He was at the peak of his patience, his home was a step away yet another boulder shows itself.

He presented his go-to smile for Jisung. One that doesn’t necessarily make his eyes crinkle, but is enough to not seem rude. “Please hurry up, I’m quite tired today.”

“Hyung! I’m sorry,” Jisung abruptly bows down in the middle of the street making everyone in the vicinity stare at them. Renjun ushers the younger one to stand up straight, muttering comforting words although he was cursing him out inside. The blonde-haired guy blushes once he feels the older’s palm on his spine.  _ He’s so close to me,  _ a happy smile envelopes his face at the feeling. A slight shiver gets out when Renjun’s lips brushed against his brightening ears.

“Explain yourself right now before I leave.” It was the demanding tone that made Jisung freeze. He felt weak— Renjun was hardly someone who would use demeaning ways to talk to a person. It felt new. It felt  _ exciting _ . “I’m getting tired, Jisung-ah.”

“Ah,” biting his lip he tried to contain how he felt “I just wanted to explain myself… and to give you this.” He takes the small box out of his hoodie’s pocket and brings it to eye-level for Renjun. “It’s not much but I’ve been keeping it for a month now and since I didn’t have school I decided to give it to you.”

A surprised sound leaves Renjun, although barely audible if you weren’t near him. He hums as he takes the box from the younger. “Thank you,” He takes a step back and prepares to leave but the puppy-like look the younger one gave him was hard to resist. He hesitates for a moment before quickly ruffling Jisung’s hair, “Take care.” He sends him a soft smile before quickly entering his dorm, leaving the blonde guy alone.

Jisung blinks, unable to comprehend what just happened. Renjun was always neutral whenever it comes to affection— he was never one to show PDA to his friends or even his family. He never really was the clingy type too. He often avoids serious conversations by dragging it out and saying something inspirational. Most don’t mind and don’t even realize it, but after a year of constant staring at him, the blonde one was able to pick up his personality little by little.

During astronomy club, Renjun could talk about the stars for days and days but once someone asks him about his other interests he usually keeps mum about it. More so often, he steers the conversation and forwards it to the one who asks. He usually starts with either a cheesy line or a reassuring one.

It was one of the things he would always remember about the brunet.

A sudden memory bursts through Jisung’s mind. Renjun’s words seemed to echo inside his head,  _ “Whenever I think about my dreams and personal life choices, I try not to feel very stressed over it as I believe that I will make it in the end.” _ He probably didn’t think too much of what he said, but the impact it gave to Jisung? He thought about it every day. His passion for dancing, his dreams to reach the stage— even his dreams of one day being the one to stay beside Renjun.

It was because of his Hyung that he was able to step forward, and he’ll always be grateful for it. Wherever they stand in the end, Jisung will always be there for Renjun even if the latter won’t be. But it’s alright.

For Renjun has already helped as much as he can.

—

Renjun numbly falls onto his bed, the soft covers quickly flattening under the brunet’s body. An uncomfortable sound leaves him as he feels the gift poke him under his stomach. 

_ “I’ve been keeping it for a month now and since I didn’t have school I decided to give it to you.”  _ Jisung’s voice flashes through his mind.  _ A month _ ? Renjun thinks, quite bewildered,  _ He bought something for me and kept it for a month? _

All he did was stare at the tiny box, unable to comprehend what would make the younger boy do that for him. He barely even remembers what went on during Astronomy Club, but then Jisung shows up with a gift all of a sudden. 

He hums to himself as he starts to unwrap the tiny box. A flash of silver greets him once he opened it.  _ It was a necklace _ . It was minimal and wasn’t too flashy. He was actually contemplating on wearing it for tomorrow. It wasn’t until he fully took out the necklace when he saw the charm attached to it. 

It was a star pendant, with a glass-like structure right in the middle of it. A piece of paper was left inside the little box and when Renjun grabbed it, all he saw were the words  _ “Look inside the glass _ .”

Giving it a try, the necklace was quickly dropped the moment Renjun’s eye met the glass. Inside the glass contained a real-life replica of the Big Dipper. He gently picks it up and cradles it in his palm.

_ “Renjunnie, what is that?”  _ He closes his eyes once he hears the words echo inside his mind.

_ “The Big Dipper, Jen!”  _ He whispers the words together with his memories. He wishes to stay as a child once again— without any of the problems he faces now. He wishes to go back to the way things were. 

_ “Oh? If that’s the Big Dipper then there should be a Small Dipper too! It’s too sad if the Big Dipper is left all by itself.”  _ He imagines himself on the roof of their houses again, waving at each other from their respective roofs.  _ “Like us! I’m the big one and you’re the small one.” _

He could remember the care-free smile Jeno had back then. His enthusiasm while stating that they would never leave one another.  _ Like the Big Dipper and the Small Dipper _ , he insists.  _ You can’t see us without each other.  _

“What now, Jen?” Renjun’s heart aches at the thought; He wants to fix everything, but at the same time he wants Jeno to feel what he had felt. The pain of being left behind— the pain of having nothing to look forward to.

Two children too naive of the outside world. Of their parents, of their entanglements, and of  _ each other _ . If only the world wasn’t this way, maybe nothing would be this complicated. Maybe they were to be accepted.  _ Maybe _ this relationship wouldn’t feel so illegal _. _

_ “Maybe if you would have stayed behind, I wouldn’t be this fucked up Jeno! Or are you still so fucking selfish to think of that?” _ The regret. He feels it slipping inside of him as he remembers the words he exchanged with Jeno back then. The anger he had felt years ago when the situation was in full bloom. 

_ “Did you even think that I needed you here? I didn’t want you to stay away, I wanted you right beside me!” _ A whimper leaves Renjun. He could feel his eyes burn as he tried to hold back his tears.  _ “I’m not the kind of person who always needed space. I needed reassurance that not everyone was going to leave me. I needed reassurance from  _ **_you_ ** _.” _

He couldn’t hold it back anymore. The feeling of longingness claws into his whole body as his tears fall down. All he wants is Jeno back with him. He needs  _ reassurance _ . 

A thump could be heard as Renjun slowly fell off his bed. The desire to leave his dorm and run to Jeno was ever so tempting, but he knew he couldn’t do that. For inside him, he knows he has to act out his revenge. He knows he can't just go crawling back. “Jeno-ah… please forgive me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i said this book was slow-burn and had a lot of backstories i really do mean it :)


	6. hook up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Mark Lee, Haechan's date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some sexual content involved ! this fic does have nsfw content and it will get more specific as the fic prolongs so please stop reading if you're uncomfy with the content ><

“Get up,” 

A thump.

“You’re so fucking heavy Jeno, I’m not dragging your ass back to your dorm.”

His eyesight blurred once he opened his eyes, quickly taking in his surroundings.  _ Mark’s room _ , he realizes,  _ How the fuck did I end up here again? _

Mark lets out a frustrated groan at the dazed look Jeno holds. “You were fucking drunk and you crashed into my apartment,  _ completely _ ruining my date by the way.” 

A new voice enters the conversation, a slight snicker accompanying his words. “Leave him alone Mark, it was a funny sight. Future lawyer Lee Jeno crying and drunk was a good sight. Anyone else would pay a good amount of money to see that under them.” 

“Shut up Haechan.” The dirty joke made the oldest feel flustered. Despite being around Haechan for so long he couldn’t help but still feel so embarrassed. “That’s weird,” Mark mumbles as a comeback. A teasing grin can be seen sneaking into Haechan as he cuddles into Mark from behind, the latter turning red from the sudden warmth. His mouth right next to Mark’s ear, turning him a shade darker.

“I would pay millions to see you under me right now, Markie.” The teasing tone Haechan held as he whispered those words to Mark made him feel so  _ high _ . Pushing the younger off him, he gives a warning glare as Haechan only laughed. He liked seeing Mark so flustered from sudden skinship. He was practically the only person who isn’t immune to Haechan’s flirty persona yet, causing the purple-haired flirt to play with him. Sure he flirted with Renjun regularly, but he never reacted to any of the advances. Mark easily gets flustered from any type of flirting, and that was  _ adorable _ .

But Renjun flirted back, and  _ that was hot _ .

“I’m going home,” Jeno declares after a moment of silence.  _ Was he out of his mind? _ He didn’t know why he had to go to Mark of all people. He was the root of his main problem, so why is he the only person he could run to? But Mark was taken with someone else.  _ Lee Haechan _ .

He’s familiar with the purple-haired flirt in front of him, often running into him whenever he was with Renjun. He knows they hooked up once or twice before, which caused his hostile behavior towards him. The thought of Renjun being under someone other than him caused him to grip his jacket tightly, the clothing tightening from the harsh pull.

“Don’t,” Mark blocks him as he nears the door, “Your Dad’ll get mad if he finds out I let you out there by yourself,  _ drunk _ . Besides, it’s nearing 1 am and you might get in trouble for loitering outside your dorm.   


Jeno tenses up once he hears Mark speak of his dad, causing him to hesitate to speak back. A million things he wants to say to the older— to ask, to clarify. “I wouldn’t want to interrupt your  _ date _ .” The words were harsher than he had expected. He didn’t mean to come out so harsh but he couldn’t help it. It was the twinge of insecurity inside of him. From the previous happenings with Renjun, he  _ couldn’t help _ but feel so hostile. Especially with all of the people involved with their past.

“It ended the moment you entered the apartment,” Haechan speaks out with a slightly annoyed tone. He sighs and clings to Mark once again, “Mark was too flustered to take care of you that he completely forgot about the movie.”

“Ah, sorry,” His words were completely blank as he stared into Haechan’s eyes. The latter took it as competition, a smug grin on his face as he snuggles more into Mark. The oldest one flustered from the sudden skinship. “Shouldn't you leave already, Haechan? It’s nearing 1 am and you might get in trouble for loitering outside your dorm.” Mark flinches as Jeno repeats his words. “Mark wouldn’t want his boy to get in trouble, wouldn’t he?”

Haechan lets go of Mark’s arm, the latter immediately stepping back due to the harsh glares being thrown. “Why don’t  _ you  _ leave Jeno? I was here first.” A triumphant look sits on Haechan as he settles himself in front of Jeno.

“Ah, has Mark not told you yet?” Jeno chuckles with a grin edging on his lips. _It’s fun to see people trapped right under me_. His thoughts eerily sound so familiar with a certain brunet, but he shoved the thought under him as he continued his taunting. “ _We_ own this apartment, Haechan. We own this under a _shared_ contract specifically.”

“Haech,” Mark speaks up as he gently nudges Haechan away. “ _ Sorry, _ I’ll explain everything tomorrow please go home now.” Mark now faces Jeno as he hits him in the stomach, a confused look on the older’s face from the actions of the younger. “You’re sleeping on the couch.” 

“Just… Just one question…” Haechan trails off a surprised look still on his face but a frown is now visibly seen. “Have you guys been living together since last year?”

Jeno pales as he hears the question. He knows what Haechan was hinting about.  _ Were you living with Mark while you were with Renjun? _

“I’ve been living with Mark since I returned from Canada.” 

Haechan was confused. He was always suspicious of Jeno and Renjun’s past, for he wasn’t there from the very start. The only arc in their relationship that Haechan witnessed was when they got together a second time and when they broke up again. He knew the brunet missed a  _ lot _ of details when explaining their breakup but he wasn’t completely stupid. He didn’t want to pry further, so he gave Renjun comfort— emotionally and physically.

“Did… Did Renjun know?”

The silence that came after confirmed Haechan’s suspicion immediately. With a fleeting glare forwarded to the other Lees, he left the apartment with a bang.

—

Haechan was running. It was 1:15 am and he was nearing the dormitories when he took his phone out and dialed a number. 

“Haechan?” His name has never felt this bittersweet.

“Open your door, I’m near.” 

He quickly jogged up the stairs instead of using the elevators for he couldn’t help but feel tense with what he just found out. He was scared, confused, and  _ worried _ . The dark hallways were only illuminated with an open door.

“Haech—?” Renjun wasn’t even able to complete the name for he was immediately caught up in a kiss. The door slowly shut itself behind them as they hit the wall. He wanted to comfort Renjun in the only way he knew he could. 

Renjun lets out short breaths as he pushes Haechan away from him. The latter cling tightly despite the former’s protest. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He whispers harshly as he pushes him away, “I’m not in the mood and I’m pretty sure you just hooked up with someone. Find someone else to pleasure you if you aren’t satisfied.”

_ Renjun’s in a bad mood _ , the thought just made Haechan feel more pity. He never knows what to do other than offer himself for the brunet. “I went out on a date today,” 

The shorter one didn't freeze and continued to travel to his couch. “I’m guessing he wasn’t as good as you had thought?” 

“No,” A forced laugh leaves his lips as he sits on the floor, “He was alright.”

Renjun hums as he fixes his couch pillows, “Then that’s good.” The atmosphere felt tense for Haechan but the only emotion Renjun felt at the moment was annoyance. He wanted to curl up and sleep, but instead, he’s stuck with his horny best friend.

“His name was Mark,”

Renjun freezes, the fluffed-up pillows now wrinkling under his grip.  _ Why now? _

“Why didn’t you tell me Renjun?”

_ Stop. Please stop. _ He hasn’t heard that name in so long so  _ why now? _

Haechan pulls Renjun up, the latter’s arms immediately limp against his sides after Haechan lets go of him. “Jeno was the—”

This time, Haechan was cut off. Renjun curls his fingers around the purple strands of Haechan’s hair, tugging and pulling as he forces their lips together.

“Just shut up and  _ fuck me.” _

—

Renjun woke up to the smell of bacon lingering inside his room. Although it may come as a surprise, Haechan was actually quite good at cooking. He often cooked for the both of them after their hook-ups despite their busy schedule as college students.

“Good morning,” Renjun first greeted as he entered the kitchen where Haechan was wearing nothing but his boxers. “Don’t you have another date today?”

Haechan paused as he turned the stove off, “First of all— Good Afternoon. Second, did you actually think I’ll leave you alone after all of that?”

Renjun eyes the newly cooked food in front of him as the purple head grabbed another set of utensils, “I thought the sex was a clear indication to leave that subject alone.”

“No— the sex was a clear indication that you were as horny as me.” 

The duo lets out a snicker at the easy flow of their sex life, both talking about the subject so easily. It was awkward at first, but now that it's been months it felt more like a club activity if you can even call it that. An  _ outlet _ of some sort. Sometimes it can result in one of them crying at the peak of their emotions. It was the one way they could release their frustrations without breaking anything.

Last night, Haechan was able to see all sides of Renjun. The way he cried Jeno’s name while the purple head was the one pleasing him.  _ It hurts _ , Haechan admits. To be the one right in front of him but so far away. He knew how caught up the brunet was with Jeno but he couldn’t help but dream. To  _ think _ — What if they were more than that? 

But he couldn’t complain. This was already more than he had asked for. Everyone would want to taste a bit of what he tasted last night. To hear everything he had heard. Even if he could just stay as the rebound he would be happy, for it was all for Renjun.

It was toxic for both of them, he could see that at least, but he always loved the thought of Renjun around him. Everyone has. There’s something so alluring with the brunet that he couldn’t properly explain with words.  _ Or,  _ maybe he just had abandonment issues. The brunet really was the only one to stay with him. Despite the friendly aura Haechan emitted, most tend to stray away from him. He never had a friend group to call his  _ own _ . 

This arrangement, being friends with benefits, may sound so horrible to others. But as he looks across him and sees the satisfied smile Renjun has on as he eats… Haechan would want to hold onto it for as long as he can.


End file.
